2015: bi-costal lovers (ny v. california)

Palmtree Jumpsuit: MANGO, Sandals: Steve Madden; Necklace: Madewell

Location: The New School, New York City, Photos by: Leslie K. Lim

2015 has been nothing short of beautiful/ painful/extraordinary/challenging/exciting/emotional/empowering year for me. Most of all it was the year where I decided to be myself. Which meant more than I originally thought. In a society that shackles you to the notion and ideas of everyone else - doing what you want and being who you are could not be any more difficult. In my 25 years of life 2015 has by far been the most self-actualizing. The past two years I spent working for technology companies because it was accepted by my parents and sounded cool to other people, "Yeah I work for LinkedIn." And traveled all around the country partying, drinking, getting paid and always in the back of my mind thinking, "There has got to be more to life." I did not feel like I was making a difference in this world that is begging for change. I wasn't, I was simply living out the role I was assigned. Doing what was expected. It wasn't enough for me, it never was. I started going to therapy and became strong in ways I never thought possible. I walked away from things I never thought I could. Most of all, I learned who I was and what I want. I have a long way to go but this year has been the astonishingly tumultuous step that I needed. The amount of personal growth I have experienced and noticed within myself over the last 12 months deserves recognition in a meaningful way. 

I moved to New York after living in California for 25 years. At the time, the reason seemed simple. California was stale. I was bored to tears of it. I couldn't think of one reason to stay. The state reminded me of the worst years of my life and bittersweet things here and there. Most of all, despite knowing what feels like the entire Bay Area, it was incredibly lonely. A feeling that was often masked due to a constant busy schedule I kept. I  wanted to get away and start my life somewhere else, somewhere like New York. Somewhere I belonged. I slowly abandoned the notion of a life without storms, or world without seasons. One of the many reasons I moved from a state where seasons never change; but feelings always do. Life is too complicated, too constantly changing to be anything but what it is. And I'll be living with it until, as Lowell put it, the watch is taken from the wrist. It's how I chose to live this life of mine that changed. I am now happy and proud of this life I now live. Something I've never been able to feel, or say before with any amount of conviction. 

I have been living in New York for 4.5 months and it's only now that I'm able to realize just how much California is a part of me. I see it everywhere. I find myself actively scanning for Bay Area jerseys or hats. Even a shirt that says California. A song. I never noticed how many damn songs there are about California. I was fortunate enough to have been invited to spend the holidays in Mexico with my good friend from California. Upon arriving in Puerto Vallarta, I go to a restaurant downtown, sit, and I look to my left. Outside there is Chevy Cruise with California sun protectors on the dash. Tears begin to fill my eyes. California is such a large part of who I am. A part of myself I have endlessly tried to escape because it felt confining, boring and meaningless. Holding me back from being who I really was. Now I realize California wasn't holding me back. I was holding me back. And in spending time away from California I realize how much of my identity she accounts for. Literally everything I do, creatively and otherwise. I shunned her and I left her. And even still she pops up everywhere reminding me that's she's always been there and she always will be.

Since moving to New York my creativity has come to a screeching halt. My writing is nowhere near what it was when I lived on the west coast. I'm not sure if this is because the day job I had motivated me to go home and be more creative, or if NY is just too much. If attending the best design school in the country and actually doing my creative thing for real is too much. If the pressure no longer makes it something to strive for. I think what I'm realizing is I'm this person that can't just do one thing, or have one career. I'm too much. I have too much I want to do. I was doing tech and I wanted fashion. I start doing fashion and now I want to change the world and champion other women that haven't been as fortunate as myself. This scares me because it reminds me something of my mom always told me,

I know I named you Kelly but it wasn't after the color Kelly green. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. You are never satisfied with anything. This will be a big problem in your life.

She never understood me, and for the first time ever I don't care. People can't give you what they don't have. Yes I keep striving for more, isn't that the point of life? Maybe my priorities and what I'm interested keep changing because I keep changing. And isn't that what it's all about? To keep growing? To be continually developing? And why can't I want more than just one thing or one career? I'm not static. As I've been learning in school I'm "unfixed," and probably a really inconvenient woman. But seriously it takes me being in Mexico to realize how much New York makes me miss California? Maybe it's all the tequila in this margarita or the bartender Arturo that keeps telling me everything is on the house. Shhwooowww. But people aren't this nice in New York. Which is why I wrote this rap for California:

Either way. Cali, baby, I miss you.

I miss those 2-8-0 curves, damn I like the view from there. Easily going 100 and like I just don't care.

Like that one time I took the C-Train to watch Freddy S... but ended up getting an M-I-P instead.

Clean ass record tho. Go ahead.. ask me how.

Or how about strawberry fields.. Are you sure it's me that crazy? I I I I I I thought that was you. SBP still knows me still.

San Mateo Park is full of sharks. The borough? Lmfao. Some people so poor all they have is blow. And B-Game.. Always makes my thoughts low. B, you may be gone but you still know.

What can I say that I haven't already said? Cali, baby, you're all up in the craziest of places, my head.

Sketch: Karl Lagerfeld for Chanel (August 2015)

New York was the tempting mistress in this scenario. She lured me away with her cosmopolitan global vibe and a beauty that I just couldn't resist. But New York is nothing like Cali. She makes me work for it. All. Of. The. Time. Like a friend that calls you out everytime you make a grammatical error or a really comfortable chair with no head rest. It's like I'm chasing a ghost. I see her. Right in front of me. Beauty, sass, intellect all the makings of my dream. But she is completely a construct of my mind. That's why I am constantly grinding. She drains me. She takes everything from me, I give her everything and she tells me I'm cheating on her. She loves me in a different way. One that challenges me. One that makes me a better person. One that is constantly pushing me to re-think my perspectives and is constantly humbling. New York is what I need. New York allowed me to have a perspective on Cali I never would have had if I didn't put some distance between us. Sometimes it's like that you know. Love. You don't really know.

XOXO 

getting personal (sisterhood of the world bloggers award nomination!)

I am beyond honored that Venus of EmoteraGoddess.com, has nominated me for the sisterhood of the world bloggers award! I mentioned in my last post how grateful I am to be part of a community that prides itself on uplifting, respecting, and encouraging women. This nomination only reinforces my previous thought. That being said, the tables have turned and it's me with questions under fire..

1. What made you decide to start blogging?

Truthfully, I was working at LinkedIn and bored out of my mind. I was busy with work, yes, but nothing was satisfying my creative edge. A co-worker commented on how into fashion I seemed and why don't I start a blog? I thought to myself, why haven't I done that already? www.kellmenow.com was born.

2. How did you came up with your blog name and blog url?

Funny story, it was actually already my Instagram handle. I remember in 2011 when Instagram first arrived on my doorstep and a good friend of mine was hounding me to make one (isn't that how it always happens?) However, I was real blocked on creating a cool handle, it was actually insanely frustrating. I remember thinking, "Wow just kill me now.." I think you can see what happened :)

3. What is your number one blogging DON’T?

This is something that is different for everyone. For me, it's to never write about mundane hour x hour details of my day or to post photos of lovers/friends. My blog is something I hope will become more professional and I want to use it as such. A little bit of personal makes you relatable, a lot of it reads more like a diary. 

4. What are your trade secrets in gaining lots of follower on your social media accounts?

I'll let you know when that happens.. On that note, go follow me! IG + Twitter: @kell_menow

5. Do you plan your blog post or #OOTD post?

Hmm, define plan. If you're asking if I choose my outfits knowing that I will take photos, the answer is no. I've always been a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl.

6. When you were a child what did you want to be when you grew up?

Veterinarian. I've always had an immense love for animals, or rather for helping those so dependent on us. Animals never had a voice and I always wanted to save them and give them the recognition they deserved. 

7. Aside from blogging what are the hobbies you enjoy?

Reading, traveling, writing, working out, museums, volunteering at the humane society + local soup kitchens, learning to play new instruments, learning new languages, drawing, sketching, singing (not well), and coming up with ideas for my company.

8. Do you want to learn any specific languages? Why?

Wow, you'd think I'd cheated and read ahead (I normally do) but I didn't! French, probably. Aside from the U.S. + London, France is the largest fashion capital in the world. Given I am going for a masters in fashion and plan to start my career in that field, learning French would behoove me. Plus, it'd be rad to learn a language other than American English and American Sign Language..

9. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go and why?

Damn. What a loaded question! Probably Tulum for the ancient ruins which have always fascinated me or Mustique because it's just so ridiculous to get there, you have to really want to go. 

10. If you were to give a newbie blogger an advice on blogging, what would it be?

Don't think you aren't good enough, ever. It's normal to have doubts and a lowered sense of confidence in starting something new that's, well a really big part of your creative self. But guess what: you are good enough. It takes a lot to put yourself out there in line for ridicule. Just getting started is half the battle and already something to be really proud of.

There you have it. Hope you enjoyed this post and Happy Monday fun day, you're all tremendous!

XOXO

Kelly

my wcw: kristi pawlowicz of 522 envy

I consider myself incredibly lucky to be a part of such an empowering community of bloggers. I, in fact, am so inspired by the women that I have had the privilege of interacting with and getting to know, that I was moved to action. When a woman strikes me as encouraging, passionate, and above all working to empower other women, I take notice. The world gives women a hard enough time as it is, the last thing we should be doing is tearing each other down. Growing up I had no positive female role models, this was something I always yearned for. I want to change this for any other women that may have had a similar experience, or perhaps be that woman for young girls.

Starting this week, I will be featuring a new series on my blog: Woman Crush Wednesday. Each Wednesday I will be focusing on a woman that works to enliven others through her work, or simply just by being herself. This week’s feature, and kicking off the series is fellow blogger, owner of 522 Envy, the intrepid Kristi Pawlowicz.

Exhilarated by her urban surroundings in Chicago and how that influenced her style, Kristi created 522 Envy. Envy 522 is an online boutique with a diverse selection of garments ranging from bra-lettes to blazers, catering to young professional women in their 20s and 30s. 522 Envy even has a storefront in Chicago where Kristi is based – if you are in the area do yourself a favor and check it out!

I had the good fortune of being able to sit down with Kristi and find out what really drives and inspires her. I found Kristi’s message overwhelming positive and thought it would benefit not only myself and my endeavors; but also the aspirations of you, my dear followers! In my eyes there is nothing more forceful then a self-made woman and Kristi is one deserving of admiration. Now do us all a favor and check out 522Envy.com!

The Interview:

Kelly: What makes your online boutique stand out from others? What is different about it?

Kristi: 522 Envy is a business, but we are also real people. The same girls that are modeling the clothes on Instagram are also helping customers every day in the boutique. We get to know our customers on a personal level, and people seem to really love that personal touch that translates from their phone to the physical store.

Kelly: What inspired you to create this brand? Is it what you thought it would be? More? Less? Exactly?

Kristi: I say that 522 Envy was just born a few months ago when I decided to end my licensing agreement with a group of stores called "Envy." I rebranded the boutique by adding the 522, a nod to our address at 522 Davis Street, and we thought about our customer much more carefully.

The 522 gal is much inspired by my life in Chicago. Like many of my customers, my urban lifestyle affects my wardrobe as well as my taste. There is a practical aspect of living in or near a city, but there is also very vibrant and creative spirit that lives within Chicago and the near suburbs like Evanston. I look around to the girl standing next to me on the train, or to the table of girls grabbing drinks after work, and those are my inspiration for what to curate into the boutique. 

Kelly: How do you feel about the Nineteenth Amendment?

Kristi: Obviously the 19th Amendment opened the doors for women to take an active role in their government and their livelihood. I always take the time to vote, and I also am very vocal about supporting candidates that support small businesses. I think it is important that we don't allow the government to get in the way of our community's businesses, because they are the building blocks of local economies. It's great that the 19th amendment allows me to voice that opinion with my vote.  

Kelly: What kind of woman are you trying to attract with your brand?

Kristi: Our typical customer is a young professional in her 20s and 30s. She is busy with work but her lifestyle always presents her with fun things to do in the evenings and weekends. She mixes comfortable with fashionable, and needs interchangeable pieces from day-to-night.

Kelly: Let's say 522 Envy blows up (which we all think it will) - who is your direct competition? 

Kristi: 522 girls also really love Zara, Top Shop, and Akira, to name a few!

Kelly: What is 522 Envy's mission statement?

Kristi: I don't think I've ever formally made one, honestly! However, on our "About" Page on 522envy.com, we always say, "We love helping you feel good in everything you wear, but most importantly, we love outfits that are affordable for everyone." I think that is a great description for our on-trend and affordable style combined with our personalized customer attention. 

Kelly: What motivates you everyday? Where did you get your dedication and drive from?

Kristi: I've always been a self-motivating and competitive person by nature. However, it's not always easy to sustain it on a day-to-day level. First and foremost, my customers motivate me. I am the happiest when I hear stories from my customers about how they got compliments all night, or they felt so good in what they were wearing. That is not only motivating, but inspiring. On a more personal level, my fiancé is a huge source of motivation. He keeps me accountable to all my crazy ideas, and always provides a "can't quit" attitude when I need it.

Kelly: What advice would you give other young women on how to cultivate dedication?

Kristi: I think it's easiest to be dedicated to something when you are able to see the situation realistically. Being dedicated to something means you are 100% all in. You're 100% in even when you're sick, even when you're tired, and even when you hate it. You have to be okay with hating it some days, because you probably will. In my experience, it becomes much easier to stay committed to something when you understand that it is not always glamorous and fun. I hope that doesn't come off as negative, but I think people lose their motivation when it becomes too hard. But the reality is that it IS hard, and that's just part of the process. 

All in all, I had a wonderful time getting to know Kristi better and I hope you did as well! What do you think of my new series?

XOXO

Kelly

shoesday tuesday + thrifty finds

Outfit Details

Sunglasses: D&G

Geometric Print Dress: Cynthia Rowley ($25 from thrift shop!)

Leather Jacket: BCBG (on sale for $60)

Studded Belt: BCBG

Black Booties: Target (ultra steal!)

I have always been a firm believer that looking good does not have to go to the highest bidder. Fashion is an everyday thing, whether you want to or not, what you wear says something about you before you have chance to say anything about yourself. Therefore it's a common misconception in fashionable dress that it if it looks expensive, it MUST be expensive. Anna Wintour introduced the notion of "high/low" fashion in the early 90's to the pages of Vogue. This blending of expensive and affordability is definitely a staple in my wardrobe as evidenced above.

A nod to my favorite day of the week, shoesday tuesday and the fact I go to fashion school render it true that my friends are always wearing enviable kicks, therefore the inclusion of this photo is necessary! The NYC footwear scene could not be more different from the west coast. Heels are a luxury (yes I dared to do this today) but flats really run the shoe game here. As a pedestrian city it's not feasible to wear heels all thru the day and into the night. Did I mention this city is humungous? There's no going home to change. Unless you bring an extra pair with you, flats really are the way to go. A new fashion challenge for myself, as I detest wearing flat shoes! As you can see from the above photo Nike and Adidas street styles are the pick of many of the city's "most fashionable"..

Worth noting, I celebrated my 1 month anniversary in NYC this past weekend by dying my own hair back to lavender.. for the first time ever.. which I must say I was terrified of messing up, but I think it turned out alright! Everyday brings a new experience here. I even built my own bed, yes I never thought I would say those words..

 All in all, what do you think of "high/low" fashion? Is this something you incorporate as well? What are your favorite thrift stores?

XOXO

Kelly