Passivity by nature is something I am weary of when it comes to friends, and especially the men I become involved with. As passivity is often coupled with something much more red flag worthy - aggression. Myself, being overly blunt in most situations, has never had much patience for passive aggression. Say what you mean so we can move on! Nothing is less sexy than a passive man. If you don't want to do something, don't do it. Instead, passive men do the said activity and make you pay for it later in covert ways that leave your head spinning as to why he is acting in such a way.
AVOID PEOPLE THAT AVOID CONFLICT AT ALL COSTS
Humans are incredibly varied, even being from the same family, same town, same school, none of this really matters because of inherent differences that make us special. Conflicts undoubtedly arise, and it's juvenile of you to think this is something that can be avoided. Screaming matches that involve slamming doors, throwing iPhones at walls, or black paint on a white carpet are at the very least non-productive. In fact, they are extremely unhealthy. However, expressing your thoughts and feelings is something you should unquestionably be able to do. If he starts to say in response, "You're so demanding. You're over-analyzing," that's degrading and conveniently takes all the blame off him and shifts it to you. Never apologize or question having respect for yourself. You know how you want to be treated, how you should be treated. If something bothers you, you should be able to talk about it openly, honestly, maturely with your partner. If you attempt to do this and your partner starts in along the lines of, "I don't like conflict. I don't like fighting. I don't think this. I don't want to do this." You are dealing with a passive aggressive man. What he's really saying is: "I don't want to be criticized, or to admit I have done anything wrong. You call me out when I do something you don't agree with, and I don't like it. I cannot show that I have become emotionally attached to you."
PLAYING THE VICTIM
Suddenly, everything is your fault! He can't win for losing and he just, "Can't do anything right!!!" This man is excellent at making you feel like you have wronged him, he is incapable of making situations about anything except him. You're upset about something that happened at work earlier so naturally he exclaims, "Wow I must have done something wrong! I know I did!" Apparently everything you do is about him, as if you don't have a life and interests of your own outside of the relationship. Which is insulting to say the least.
HE'S AFRAID OF YOU
#Pussy. You already have one, you don't need another one! Most of the time, he'll tell you he's scared. Don't think that's 'cute', or something charming. He's afraid of developing emotions and feelings for someone he cannot control. Do not kid yourself. This calm, cool, collected guy is anything but. This is why they can be so hard to differentiate. Passive aggression is all about control. Withholding actual thoughts and feelings and punishing you for them at later dates so that the doesn't have to go through the 'trouble' of being open. God forbid he expose any part of himself. He never argues, he tries to see you, he is just such a nice guy.. The message is puzzling because it sends the opposite message than most negative behaviors send. The only women I've seen able to be in a relationship with a man like this are passive aggressive themselves. Therefore avoiding any sort of real intimacy or disclosure from both parties. #UnLatched
TAKE AWAY MESSAGE
It's entirely normal to get angry or frustrated when something that's angry or frustrating happens. It's perfectly healthy to communicate this message in a mature way to your partner. If they care for you, and want to make their relationship with you work, they will apologize and take responsibility if need be. This course of action is a two-way street, meaning you have to listen and take responsibility as well.. My two-cents: Avoid passive aggressive men unless you are a mind-reader and have exceedingly low expectations.
