Hey Kelly I’ve followed you for a while on social media and I’ve always admired you for how confident you are. I just want to know your thoughts on how to work on being so confident.


Wow, thank you Courtnee!!

People often ask me about confidence: how to obtain it, fake it, and why I seem to have an endless reserve. I won’t deny that I’m confident. I won’t deny that I often feel good about myself, that I'm proud of my accomplishments, and that I'm satisfied with the person I am. I do need to mention that it takes work, and doesn’t always come naturally.

Confidence typically comes from both the inside and the outside. Outer confidence is built from things like personal success at school or work. Accomplishments that make you proud and self-assured of your skill set. Contributing to your community is another way to build outer confidence. Be that a physical or online community, this gives you the confidence via being part of something greater than yourself. Another form of outer confidence is self care. For instance, doing things like pampering yourself, dressing nicely and making sure you’re fit and healthy. Outer confidence is the most easily seen by others.

Outer confidence what is often meant by the phrase, “fake it till you make it.” In that by adopting the physical manifestations of confidence (head held high, back straight, direct eye contact, etc.) you fool yourself into actually feeling more confident. It’s also what’s meant by “look good, feel good.” People with only outer confidence can often be deeply insecure but unwilling to admit it to themselves, or others. They find any sort of criticism excruciatingly painful and usually try to befriend everyone because the thought of someone not liking them drives them insane.

Inner confidence forces us to go deeper. It requires true self reflection and acceptance. Inner confidence is born from the glow at the heart of your being. We all have it. We are all here, alive on this glorious planet, breathing and with blood flowing. We are incredible just to have made it here, to this day. That life force, that eternal spark within you, tapping into that is what drives inner confidence. To ability to gaze at yourself from every angle, to uncover every part of yourself  until there is nothing left unknown, venturing into the darkest depths of your soul and emerging full of wisdom and power – that will breed inner confidence. This is what I call true confidence, and individuals that possess this can immediately tell if others do as well. There is a certain way someone that has fully explored themselves and accepted the most challenging parts of their being carries themselves. Sometimes the impression they leave on others is dumbfounding, "I just don't know what it is about them." I'll tell you what it is, It's inner confidence, Trust it is quite rare..

By knowing yourself deeply, intimately and without fear you begin to gain a solid sense of self. It’s not that through this process you emerge and instantly believe I am the best fucking thing #bye. This process doesn’t fuel the ego, if anything it depletes it. In order to achieve actual self love, you must banish your ego. It grounds you in your you-ness. It strengthens the roots of your being so that you may go forth with certainty. It is accepting that you are imperfect; it is loving all of those imperfections. It is saying no to others and not feeling guilty, it is looking in the mirror and loving what you see every time. It is accepting that others may not like you and actually being okay with it because you love yourself enough to know it's more about them then you.

Know this ladies: Society is stacked against the Confident Female. Society does not know what to do with a Confident Female. In fact, society is constructed to make all females feel bad about themselves. Buy this make up, don't wear make up you're more beautiful without it, work out you're getting chubby, stop working out so much you're obsessed with your appearance, buy heels you are too short, don't wear heels you are too tall and god forbid you be taller than your man! 

New York based artist Caroline Caldwell (@dirt_worship) wrote:

In a society that profits from your self doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act.

 And it is. It really fucking is. We are so used to young women being riddled with self-doubt. Often when we meet someone young, female and actually self-assured we are quick to label her: Egotistical, self-obsessed, narcissistic, selfish, self-involved, and my favorite of all "bitchy." We scare women away from obtaining inner confidence.

People throughout my life have called all those names. Here is where I must warn you of: The Curse-Of-The-Confident. Be weary, young free one, of how uncomfortable you will make people once you are armed with confidence. You will be shocked at how people, yes I mean your friends and family, turn against you. As if loving yourself is an betrayal against them. People do not like to know that they cannot shatter you. They do not like to know that they hold no true power over you. 

The only cure to all this madness; is too dream, far and wide, if possibility doesn't knock, create a damn door. If the shoe doesn't fit, don't make it. If the journey your traveling seems too far fetched and wild beyond your imagination; continue it, great things come to the risk takers. Risk takers possess the inner confidence. And last but not least, live today; here, right now, you'll thank your future self for it later.